


Five Christmas Songs Steve Rogers Hates (and One that Makes Him Cry)

by MilesHibernus



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Age of Ultron compliant, Christmas Carols, Gen, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, fluffy fluffy fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 05:11:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5404247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilesHibernus/pseuds/MilesHibernus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Turn it off!" Steve shouted, his hands over his ears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Christmas Songs Steve Rogers Hates (and One that Makes Him Cry)

**The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late), Dave Seville, 1958**

"Turn it _off_!" Steve yelped, clapping his hands over his ears.  All around the lounge, people turned to look at him.  The nasal voices cut off in the middle of the word 'here'.

"What's wrong with it?" Tony asked from the other side of the glass table.  He waved his eggnog demonstratively.  "You know how much work it took to make that song, back in the day?  He had to do it all analog, this was decades before digital pitch manipulation.  It's a hell of a technical achievement."  As he spoke a boys' choir started up instead, singing 'The Little Dummer Boy'.

"Aw, music, no," Clint muttered.

"It's a hell of a technical achievement that sounds like _demons_ ," Steve said.  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle people, that song just...hurts my ears."

"De gustibus," Tony said, shrugging.

 

**Baby It's Cold Outside, Dolly Parton and Rod Stewart, 2004**

"No, I don't think he's coercing her, but that's not the point," Steve said.

Natasha huffed.  "Then what is the point?"

"He loves her and wants her to stay, that's fine," Steve said.  "She obviously wants to stay, also fine.  But it isn't his reputation that's going to be dragged through the mud in the morning." He made a helpless gesture.  "She's the one who's going to have to deal with it, he should have stopped bugging her after the first time she said she had to leave.  It's not polite to wear a girl down like that, even if it's something she would like to be able to do."

Natasha was looking at him with the expression that told him she was secretly laughing at him.

Steve grimaced.  "Plus, now he knows he _can_ wear her down, and what if he does it sometime when she really would rather not?"

"You have hidden depths, Rogers," Natasha said.  "I think Eleanor in Records would appreciate that."

"Natasha, I don't need you to set me up.  Secure channel seven."

"Seven secure," she said, rolling her eyes. 

 

**Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Burl Ives, 1964**

"This is horrible," Steve said, staring at the screen.  "I mean the song is bad enough, but this is _horrible_.  This is seriously intended for children?"

Clint, wandering in from the direction of the elevator, still in his training gear, asked, "What?  Oh, Rudolph?  What's wrong with Rudolph?"

"Rudolph is fine, it's everyone _else_ ," Steve said.  On the screen, Santa was yawning in boredom while the elves sang a song they'd written especially for him.  "At least in the song it's not blatantly obvious that _Santa_ is an abusive bigot.  In that it's just the reindeer who are terrible."

"Steve has strong feelings about Christmas songs," Natasha said in a fake whisper.

"The song's about a guy who gets mocked and excluded for the way he was born and then is expected to be grateful when the authorities realize he's worth something after all," Steve said.  "I think I'm allowed to have strong feelings."

 

**Santa Baby, Eartha Kitt, 1953**

"If you say how in your day they had names for that kind of girl, Cap, I'm gonna have to explain to you about slut shaming," Tony said.

Steve fixed him with a level stare.  "'I'll be good so Santa has to bring me presents' is something children say," he said.  "A grown woman should know better."

 

**The Christmas Shoes, NewSong, 2000**

"You know," Steve said conversationally, "it's not as if sentimental tripe is a modern invention."

"Hooo-boy," said Sam.  The holiday bustle of the Philadelphia train station swirled around them.

As if he hadn't heard, Steve went on, "We had plenty of sentimental tripe.  But this.  This is something really special."  He stood there gazing thoughtfully at a point halfway up the wall, looking like he ought to be posing for a statue of Contemplative Virtue.  "The man's in a bad mood about 'the Christmas spirit', whatever the hell that means, so _God_ sends a little boy whose mother is dying—dying _on Christmas Eve_ —to remind him about the true meaning of giving by paying for the shoes.  That's not just so sentimental it's manipulative, it's self-centered bullshit."  Sam blinked.  It wasn't that Steve never swore, but he tended to save it for special occasions.  "Innocent people die every day, there's war and poverty and injustice, terrible things happen for no reason, and this idiot thinks God has time to send _him_ a special lesson about the meaning of Christmas?"  He snorted.  "Bullshit."

"I...never thought of it like that?" Sam ventured.

 

**I'll Be Home for Christmas, Bing Crosby, 1943**

"I had no idea this song was still popular," Steve said, in a voice so carefully even that he had to be putting it on.  The music drifted from Sam's phone, just loud enough to be audible.

Sam looked up from the city map they were studying.  "Yeah, I guess it's kind of a standard," he said easily.  "Not one of my favorites, there isn't enough to it, you know?"

"Bucky liked it," Steve said.  "I don't know if he still does."

"When we find him you can ask," said Sam.  Steve nodded.

A minute later he excused himself to the bathroom.  Sam turned up the volume as the opening chords of 'Jingle Bell Rock' began to play.


End file.
